Phases

Change is the few seconds between the downpour of rain and the first rays of sun shining through the clouds. I barely have time to register that the rain has stopped when the sun comes out. Adults always tell me, “Enjoy your youth while you can!” but they never tell me how. Because how do you cherish something that you’ve never missed? 

Everything here is so painfully familiar, and the monotony of life makes it feel like time isn’t moving. Sometimes I have to remind myself how, in a few years, things will be different. We’ll be in different countries, universities, and stages of  life. Just the thought of it excites me. That’s why everything I do is in preparation for the future. I hope that the studying, sports, tutoring, and instruments will all pay off in the end.

And yet, the more I yearn for change, the more I fear it. 

It scares me that I will look back on today with nostalgia for the “old times”. That I’ll one day miss the monotony of life right now.

I’ll miss the study sessions at a cozy cafe that end with roaring laughter that make our stomachs hurt worse than an ab workout. Or walking home from school with linked arms and fallen leaves crunching beneath our dirt-streaked sneakers. Even more so, whining about that one school teacher, the boy who we can’t muster up the courage to talk to, or our mom’s not letting us go downtown next weekend. 

I can’t take what I have right now for granted, because soon enough I’ll be the adult saying “Enjoy your youth while you can!”