What Happens In-Between

A letter to who I was years ago or maybe to who I will be, from my teenage self. While I write this to reflect on how much I’ve changed, I also write this to show to myself in one, two, or three years in the future.

Every year, I look back and realize I haven’t actually changed that much. Admittedly, my memory isn’t the best, but every year, I always feel like I have the same opinions, the same standards, and for the most part, the same friends. I don’t necessarily reject change, but I guess I'd say I don't really go looking for it. Everyone has those times where they tell themselves they’ll change by June for the summer, or they’ll be ready for the new school year - but do they really? I never feel like I have that same drive, but when I go even further back in time, that’s when I see it. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t always appear obviously, even to yourself. 

I pretty much haven’t changed since last year, but compared to three years ago, I'm a very different person. It’s just funny how I didn’t even notice it. The rush of this realization makes me recognize that I don’t have the same opinions, I don’t have the same standards, and I’ve actually lost some friends along the way. Though this isn’t what I initially imagined, it doesn’t mean I'm any less happy, or that I feel lost or sad, because I'm still me. I am every single moment of my life, even through the good and the bad. By taking in those moments, ‘me’ is a fickle thing that always stays true. 

Something to tell myself, at any point in time is that the world truly just keeps spinning. To the Grade 7 girl who was sad about not getting into the Mini Program, you were still the happiest you could be without it. You worked hard to get a spot in Grade 10 anyways! To the anxious Grade 9 girl who was terrified of what her relationship became: you might've changed after it, but you also grew alongside it and it’s now just a part of who you are. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I do know that they will shape me into a different person. I’m different, but I’m still me. 

So, my main message is understanding that everything works out in one way or another. Don’t bother trying to choose the correct choice, and don’t beat yourself up for not ‘changing for the better’ fast enough. Keeping this in mind, will allow you to recognize that you’ll change anyways. Let who you are grow and develop organically as you experience new things.